you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize