thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
