So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
