It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
