am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
