If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I need to align my fucking chakras
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
