yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
