I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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