My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
