He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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