i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
