You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
