please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
