you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
