He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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