I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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