I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
