A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
