why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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