Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
