I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
