sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Randomize
