we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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