You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
