somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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