I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
