i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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