Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
