sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
