just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
