im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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