this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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