I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
