Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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