I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
