Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
