My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
