i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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