I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
