I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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