i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
