she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
did i just pee glitter
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
