i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
