haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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