My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
