i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
