Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
