remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
