I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize