Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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