Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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