I didn't shave. On purpose
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
