so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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