Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
