Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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