I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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