Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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