can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
