I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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