I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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