College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
