dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
