Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
