Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
