omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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