Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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