you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
