Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
