don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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