It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
