Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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