i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
