wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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