I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
