I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
