You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I want her autograph on my taint
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
