ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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