Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
